


The Rooftop

by rainbow_salt



Series: Redemption Lies Plainly in Truth [1]
Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Azula (Avatar) Needs a Hug, Azula (Avatar)-centric, Based on a song, Child Abuse, Gen, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Past Abuse, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, also on an animatic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-02
Updated: 2020-12-02
Packaged: 2021-03-10 03:33:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,922
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27843787
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rainbow_salt/pseuds/rainbow_salt
Summary: There's no one here today, I guess it's timeIt's just me, myself and I...
Relationships: Azula & Ty Lee (Avatar), Azula & Ursa (Avatar), Azula & Zuko (Avatar)
Series: Redemption Lies Plainly in Truth [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2041687
Comments: 20
Kudos: 87





	The Rooftop

**Author's Note:**

> This story is based on the song “My R”, and the video that inspired me to write it is the amazing Azula animatic made by lovely Emirichu on Youtube. If you haven’t seen it already, you definitely should. She is such a great artist.
> 
> You can still understand the story just fine even if you don’t know the song, but it would make more if you listened to it.

_Enough_.

It is the only word that keeps echoing in Azula’s mind as she lays on her bed, broken and bruised.

How much more is she supposed to take?

Is  _this_ her reward for being such a perfect and obedient daughter? The prodigy her father always wanted?

Years spent trying to be the flawless war machine, ruthless and cruel... Years spent trying to prove him that she is nothing like Zuko, that she is the heir he deserves, and as soon as she does so much as to slip, his punishments and anger easily find their way to her.

She knows what she did was wrong. She knows she should have never lied to him. She should have calculated that this seemingly innocent lie about the Avatar being dead, meant to get her brother in trouble, would end up burning her too.

_But it had felt good_.  She had never felt as alive as she did while she lied to her father.

Maybe this was never about Zuko in the first place, she realizes with a start. She had to do this for herself.

She had to prove herself that she was more than his puppet, that she could lie to him, that she was still able to have control over her own actions.

She had been a fool. That was exactly what she was.  _A puppet_.  Something to throw away when she proved no longer to be useful.  _Disposable_.  She never had control.

If the only person whose approval she cared about obtaining sees her as a mere toy, if the only person that she believed had loved her does not, in fact, give a damn about her,  _then_ _what’s the point?_

What was the point of long days and nights spent in agony? What was the point of every strike and burn that was justified as necessary to make her stronger? What was the point of every pain she had endured that would mold her into a perfect copy of her father?

After Zuko’s banishment, her father’s wrath had found a new target. But not in a way it was with Zuko. Never in the way it was with Zuko.

It was not to teach her respect, not to punish her for being incompetent and weak. It was to toughen her up, to harden her, to make her stronger, to turn her into what she was today.  _What her mother had believed she was, even as a little kid._

And she had felt special, proud even. If her father thought she could take it, then she would. She is not Zuko.

Now, as every bone in her body aches, and the all familiar sting of a fresh burn on her back clouds every thought in her head, she realizes that she was wrong once again.

_ She can’t take it. _

She is weak. As weak as Zuko, maybe even weaker. Even with all his honor and status gone, even when his face is permanently disfugured by the man who is supposed to love him, love  _them_ ,  even when he had faced every kind of humiliation possible, her brother always seems to find something to fight for, no matter how foolish that thing might be.

And even someone that weak, blinded by love and affection she never got to have, wouldn’t miss her. No one, not her brother, not her father, not her uncle, not her friends, would shed a single tear.

So, why not end it all now?

She struggles to sit up on the bed, a small grunt escapes her lips as she presses them down harder to supress it. The physical part of it is not even that bad.

She looks around to find something sharp, but quickly ditches the idea. She won’t go down like that. It’s messy, and it is ugly, being found by some unfortunate servant in a pool of her own blood, the self inflicted wounds on her wrists stoppped gushing hours ago. Dying inside the walls of the palace makes her shudder, only reminding her that even in death she can’t truly escape. That she is trapped, a prisoner in the place she calls home.

So she forces herself to get up despite the pain, tying the sash of her silk robe to cover whatever burn or bruise that might be visible, just in case she sees a guard or a servant on the way.

To the rooftop she goes.

It feels almost poetic, it is beautiful to imagine her body floating as if it was a feather, weightless, all the burden she had to carry would disappear, all the pain would die as she would cease to exist. She would be free from her father’s grasp, free as a bird, as the fresh air would hit her face, making her feel true freedom for the first time in her life.

And it will certainly cause a scene, they will not be able to cover this up, as everyone sees their Princess’ body lying lifeless on the pavement. She won’t die quietly in her room. This will be one last “fuck you” to her father.

_ You have no power over me. _

She inhales deeply as she takes a step into the door that leads to the rooftop, only to realize someone has beaten her to it.

A girl with braided hair is lingering around the railing.  _Ty Lee._

Azula knows what she is here for, the way her body is slightly shaking and the way her hands are gripping the metal railings give her away. Besides, she would know, wouldn’t she? What she doesn’t understand is  _why?_

“Don’t do it!” She doesn’t even realize what she said long after the words leave her mouth, making Ty Lee jump in her place at the sudden noise, turning to face Azula with teary eyes.

She doesn’t even know why she said it in the first place. She couldn’t really care less either way. Why should she? Isn’t she here to do the same thing as well?

She tells herself that it is because she is pissed that she has just missed an opportunity, she can’t do it while Ty Lee is here. She refuses to show weakness even in her last minutes. 

“Azula...?” The shaky voice of the girl pulls her out of her thoughts. “What are you doing here?”

“What am  _I_ doing here?” She asks, incredulous. “I should ask you the same. I am not the one who is trying to throw herself off the roof in the middle of the night!”  _Liar._ “Besides, I live here. I have the right to go out into my own roof.” She says, getting defensive as she crosses her arms, feeling like Ty Lee can see right through her lies. A muscle on her face twitches as the new position of her arms make the burn on her back stretch, but Ty Lee doesn’t seem to notice. She just averts her gaze, staring at the floor with empty eyes.

Ty Lee was staying in the palace since they returned from Ember Island, she couldn’t go back home. She had never been to her house ever since she joined the circus. Azula realizes only now that her friend had been less bubbly and cheerful since they returned to the Capital. She was too busy with her own problems to notice.

“I am sorry... I didn’t mean it like that.” The girl with braided hair mumbles, eyes still fixed on the ground.

Azula finds herself unable to think of something to do for the first time in her life.  _What are you supposed to say to your suicidal friend?_ Should she leave? Would Ty Lee jump if she left?

_ Why should she care? _

“Why?” Is all she manages to ask as she takes a few steps towards her, forcing herself to keep a straight face as she pushes the pain to the back of her mind.

Why? Ty Lee is always so happy, so positive. Everyone likes her, everyone gives her attention, she is a talented acrobat. What would possibly make her consider ending it all?

“You’ve probably heard it all before.” Ty Lee shrugs, turning her gaze back to the night sky. “Don’t let me ruin your night.”

_Oh, but it is already ruined_.  “Just tell me.” She sighs. “I don’t have anything better to do than to listen.” And it is the truth.

There are several minutes of uncomfortable silence before Ty Lee starts speaking. “I really thought he might be the one, you know.” She closes her eyes as tears fill them once again. “That boy from Ember Island. I thought he was interested in me because of who I am, not because of how I look. I thought he was different. Turns out he is just like everyone else.” Her shoulders start to shake as she covers her face with her hands, and Azula is once again suprised by her friend’s ability to cry in front of someone else.

“He just wanted to use me like everybody else does...” She chokes out in between sobs. “I had really thought that he had seen behind my face, had seen real me, but then he told me he was done the second I refused to give him what he wants.”

“For Agni’s sake, please! Are you serious?!” Azula snaps, eyes wide. Is  _this_ the reason Ty Lee wants to kill herself? Because of some stupid  _boy_?!  She doesn’t even have the right to be sad!  _Azula herself never even had a boyfriend before, she seems to scare everyone off, but she doesn’t just go around crying about it, now, does she?!_

“I just can’t believe that for some stupid reason...”  _You got here before me._ “... you are considering killing yourself!”

Ty Lee opens her eyes to look at her friend, there is confusion in her tear filled eyes. She doesn’t really understand her outburst. She turns her gaze back to the ground.

“Are you upset because you can’t have what you wanted?”  _She is not getting what she wants either, but it isn’t any boy’s affection that she seeks._ “You're lucky that you've never gotten robbed of anything!”  _She has been robbed of so many things. Her childhood, her mother’s love, her freedom, her innocence..._

Another moment of uncomfortable silence, this time more stifling, as Ty Lee’s unfocused eyes remain fixed on the floor. She doesn’t know how many minutes passed.

“You are right...” The girl with braided hair says finally, wiping away the tears in her eyes. She doesn’t even realize Azula’s expression, or the bitter sadness in her voice. “I should be grateful. Things could have been a lot worse, he could’ve done more than just breaking my heart...” She lets go of the railing, turning away from the edge.

“I am feeling better, thank you for listening.” She gives the Princess a small smile as she turns to look at her. “I guess I never actually wanted to do it. Thank you for making me realize it, Azula.” When she puts a reassuring hand on her shoulder and gives it a squeeze, Azula visibly flinches, both from the pain and the unexpected touch.

She mumbles some incoherent words as she turns away from Ty Lee walking inside as fast as she can without running.

She missed her chance. Ty Lee wasn’t the only one who was saved tonight.

...  


Mai and Ty Lee betray her. Her  _friends_ betray her. Mai says she loves Zuko more than she fears her, and that feels exactly like something her mother would say.

She doesn’t care. Who needs friends anyways? Love is weakness, caring is pathetic.

Days pass.

Her father trusts her less and less, he is more distant. His words are harsher, his temper shorter.

He declares himself the Phoenix King. He leaves her, like everyone else in her life does, during the day of the comet.

He says he will make her the Fire Lord. That means he loves her,  _right?_

She stays alone in the palace, she banishes the guards, the servants, prior to her coronation. She can’t trust anyone. Only herself.

She stands in front of her mirror. Her hair won’t behave. But everything has to be perfect.  _She_ has to be perfect.

She cuts her hair, the image of perfection shatters with the strands of hair falling to the ground.

Her mother appears in the mirror.  _Why is she here?!_

She whispers intoxicating lies in her ears, words so sweet that she almost wants to believe them.

They are lies, all of them.

She shatters the mirror with a hair brush, her mother disappears. 

It seems she can’t even trust herself now.

It’s her coronation, the one thing she still wants in this meaningless life. One remaining thing worth living for. Power.

Zuko ruins it.

He takes it away from her. Her only reason left to live.

They fight. She loses.

They tie her up, restrain her, as she screams and yells, fighting against her restraints.

They lock her up.

Her father falls the same day she does. They lock him up too.

Zuko becomes the Fire Lord. He now has everything she has been denied.

And she resents him even more for it.

...

Months pass and she is finally out of the mental institution. The nurses, and the  _Fire Lord_ ,  seem to have decided that she isn’t a threat to others anymore.

She doesn’t remember much about her time there. All she remembers is numbness and screams. Someone was screaming.  _Was it her?_

They made her wear a strait jacket, just to make sure that she wouldn’t harm anyone else. She doesn’t think they would care if she harmed herself. She hadn’t got a chance to do either anyway.

She remembers her first days being filled with rage as she wanted to attack anyone and everyone who dared to touch her. Her mind would soon grow fuzzy from all the sedative herbs that they gave her. 

The first time they tried to strip her naked to give her a bath, she fought them ferociously. She didn’t want them to see all the scars and burns. She knew she didn’t have a facade of perfection left to protect anymore, but she fought nonetheless. 

But sedatives made her defenses crumble. 

All she could do was to beg them pathetically to not say a single word to Zuko. She threatened them, empty promises of violence that all of them knew would never come true. 

They didn’t fear her, not in the way everyone in the Fire Nation once did. But as they changed conflicted glances, she knew that they would keep her secret. 

Life got sucked out of her more and more with each month she stayed there, finally becoming the shell of a girl she used to be.

She was furious in the beginning, true. But towards the end of her time in the institution, all she wanted was it to end. For she was not only confined within the padded walls of a room in a nuthouse, but within the walls of her own mind as well.

Now as she stands in front of the door to her old room, all she feels is a hollow numbness, as if she is not even there. She holds on to the handle to feel something, but doesn’t. It is as if she is holding thin air. She doesn’t even feel the cold metal underneath her fingertips.

But as soon as she enters the room, everything changes.

Feelings rush over to her and she has to hold on to the wall to not collapse. She finds herself wishing for that familiar numbness.

The memories of withheld screams and quiet sobs fill the room. She wants to run, to shut the door and never step foot in it again. Instead, she just walks over to the bed and sits down on it, familiar feeling of the silk making her shiver.

_ It will make you stronger. _

A week passes. She doesn’t leave the room.

Zuko comes to visit her everyday. She doesn’t let him in. He is just pretending to care, and she doesn’t need his pity.

Another week passes, and the imprisonment and isolation she had forced on herself doesn’t cease. She won’t leave the room.

Who wants to see her anyway?

A month, and Zuko stops knocking on her door. She doesn’t know if she is feeling sad or glad. Is she even capable of feeling anything anymore?

Her brother’s friends come to visit him in his palace, staying for couple of weeks. She sometimes hears the chatter and laughter of them in the halls. It’s taunting. How dare can they be so happy while she is suffering?!

One day, she finally has enough once again.

It is the middle of the day, but she doesn’t care. She will go back to that rooftop again and finish what she started months ago. It doesn’t matter if it is day or night. It doesn’t matter if anyone sees her. She just needs to get out of this cage.

Today is the day, she thinks to herself as she goes out to the roof. Much to her dismay, though, there is a girl short as can be standing over the edge. One of Zuko’s friends, the earthbender girl.  _Toph_ ,  she thinks, as she vaguely remembers her name.

Is it too much to ask to just wanting to die already?! Why does everything have to be so complicated? Why is there always someone in her way?!

“Don’t!” She finds herself saying despite herself, her voice rough from not being used for anything other than screaming for so long. The girl doesn’t even turn to look at who is there, just standing against the railing. Oh yeah, she is blind. She thinks as she idly remembers it in the back of her mind.

“How did you know that I was gonna do it?” The girl, Toph, asks, her voice lacking its usual smugness.

“You are standing over the edge of a roof while your friends are having fun somewhere else. Doesn’t take a genuis to figure it out.” She rolls her eyes, though realizing how pointless it was as soon as she does it. She walks towards her, crossing her arms over the metal.

“Okay, you got me.” Toph leans her head against her hands. “Why do you care anyway?”

“I don’t.” She doesn’t even know if she is lying or telling the truth. And from the looks of it, the petite girl can’t really tell either. Maybe it’s because she is lying and telling the truth at the same time.

She looks at the sky and remains silent for some time, not knowing if she should say anything. Curiosity gets the better of her.

“So, what brings you here?” She asks, not bothering to sound particularly kind. Kindness is something she doesn’t know if she possesses anymore. Maybe she never did. “Why do you want to die?”

She finds herself geniunely wondering about the answer. She has many friends who care about her, from what she has seen of them, they seem happy together.

More time passes as the small girl seems conflicted about whether she should tell Azula everything or not. In the end, she shrugs like she has decided that no harm will come from it.

“You’ve probably heard it all before. Just some familial bullshit.”  _Oh, she has a ton of those, this blind girl can’t even begin to comprehend._

“I sent a letter to my parents after the war ended, but they just ignored it.” Her eyes are empty, but her voice betrays her. “Everyone ignores me, everyone steals! They stole twelve years of my life from me.” Her voice cracks mid-sentence and she has to take some time to be able to continue again. She seems just as uncomfortable expressing her emotions as Azula is.

“I was like a ghost, living in my own house. They expected me to be obedient and silent. To them, I was weak. Something to be protected. Something they ignored until I would try to do anything on my own! And now they are just ignoring me completely, now that I am not what they wanted me to be!” Buried under her anger, there is sadness, and Azula finds herself relating to her more then she thought she would.

Still, Toph has it easy. At least her parents actually tried to protect her, not became the thing she needed protection from. She doesn’t have the right to complain.

The short girl puts her arms on the railing and leans her head on them, muttering like she is in a dream. “And escaping from my house, I thought I had finally found my place, with my friends. But I am not like them.” She sighs, closing her eyes. “They can sit and talk about their feelings for hours. To them, I am probably just rude and insensitive. I don’t fit in with anyone here...”

“For Agni’s sake, please! Are you serious?!” She snaps without really meaning to. How can this girl be so stupid?!  _At least she has friends! At least those friends she doesn’t feel like she fits in with didn’t betray her!_

“I just can’t believe that for some stupid reason...”  _You got here before me,_ she is about to say before she stops herself again. “...you came here to die! How can you be so blind?!” 

Toph opens her mouth to say something, but Azula cuts her off, feeling angry that this girl who has almost everything she doesn’t have, finds the right to kill herself. 

“Because even so, even if you do think you don’t belong, even if your family is ignoring you, you are still loved by every one of your friends! How can you be so stupid to not see that?!”  _At least you have friends, at least you have a family. At least your mother didn’t abandon you, at least your father didn’t torture you!_ “ There is always dinner at the table, you know!”  _She imagines Zuko and her friends eating and laughing together. She thinks back to the cold and silent dinners with her father, if he was even there to sit with her on the table at all, of course._

The small girl turns to her, empty and unseeing eyes seem to stare into her soul, before a single tear rolls off her cheek. “You know, I am actually really hungry.”

She pauses for a moment. “Normally, I would be pissed at you for calling me stupid. But in this case, I think I was.” She punches her in the arm with a small smile on her lips, Azula staring at her suprised, as she doesn’t understand why she did that. “Thanks for talking some sense into me. Maybe you are not so crazy after all.”

Azula doesn’t know how to respond to that. Is that a compliment or an insult? Does it really matter either way? It is the only thing that resembles kind words that she has heard in months.

She doesn’t say anything, just standing there and rubbing her arm as Toph leaves.

She has just saved someone else’s life again. Maybe today isn’t the day to do it after all.

...

One week.

It is all it takes for her to start contemplating on it again.

In her room, she thinks about the two lives she saved; one of the girl who was supposed to be her friend, and other of a girl she barely knows, girl who was the enemy.

She had listened to their tales, she had made them turn away. And yet, there is no one who would do this for her. There is no way she can let out all this pain. 

Why doesn’t anyone do the same for her? Why does no one make her change her mind? Why does no one talk her out of it? Listen to her pain?  _Why doesn’t anyone care?!_

Deep down, she knows the answer. She doesn’t let them.

She doesn’t allow them to see what she has been through. She doesn’t open up to anyone. Even if anyone were willing to listen, she wouldn’t let them approach close enough to know. Because when she lets people in, they betray her.

What is the sense of talking, if they can use it against her?

Still, she can’t help but wish someone would ask if she was okay. It doesn’t matter if she would tell them or not. She just wants to know if there is anyone that  _cares_.

She bets they will be relieved when she is gone.

Especially Zuko. The Fire Lord must have enough problems without a lunatic sister already. If she is such a burden, then there is no point in staying.

So she lingers at the doorway that leads her to the rooftop once more, closing her eyes before reaching for the handle.

But she stops in her tracks when she sees a familiar figure standing over the edge. One that she hasn’t seen in such a long time.

For the very first time, there, she sees someone with the same pains as her. She too, knows what her father was like.

_ Her mother. _

But even though she is one of the only people that can understand her pain in one way, she is also the one who caused it from another way.

How dare she try to get away so easily after everything she has done?!

There is something different in the way she stands. Something different than Ty Lee and Toph. She has been here before. She has done this time and time again.  _What made her change her mind each time?_

When she turns away from the sky to face Azula, the empty and painful expression in her eyes perfectly mirrors her own.

She is wearing a yellow cardigan, so unbecoming of someone from the royal family, but it is oddly comforting. Somewhere in her foggy mind, she remembers the cardigan from her childhood. She just can’t quite put her finger on it. 

Her mother starts speaking without Azula even having the time to ask what is she doing here. Her voice is soft but sorrowful. “I just want to stop the scars that grow, everytime that I go home...”  _And Azula understands that in a way she never thought she would, when she was just a kid_.  She also remembers some faint memories from her childhood.

The pained expression on her mother’s face on some days, the purple marks on her wrists that she had accidentally caught a glimpse of once or twice, the tears in her eyes when she thinks no one is watching, the distant sounds of sobs she hears at night...

Pieces she had never put together as a child.

And now they are all too familiar. Cloudy memories of a small kid, merging with the newer memories that etched into the tormented mind of a young girl.

“That’s why I came up here instead.” Her mother concludes her words, her gaze burning into Azula’s. 

None of them move for what feels like hours, but in reality, it has been only a few seconds. Finally, the woman with the yellow cardigan turns away, walking over to the railing once more.  _This time she will do it._

Without even realizing, despite telling herself she couldn’t care less either way, Azula screams something she can’t believe. “No!” She fells on the ground, on her knees. “Don’t do it, please!”

She feels like a helpless little girl as her mother doesn’t even do so much to look at her. It’s as if she doesn’t hear her.  _She never did._ Only times she did, were when she was scolding her.

Her mother is about to let go of the railing, about to let herself go. All the moments in her life she wanted to get revenge on her mother for hurting her like this, for leaving her, for not loving her, and now she is panicking.

She is panicking, because this is new. She can’t stop it from happening this time. What can she do? She doesn’t want her to jump!

Maybe for once, she has bitten off more than she can chew.

Without even realizing, she starts sobbing, tears falling down her eyes and dripping onto the ground beneath her. She feels pathetic. Crying her eyes out, knelt on the ground. But it feels liberating. It feels good to let go.

The sounds of her sobs stop her mother, she turns to face her daughter once again.

The look in her eyes as she looks at her is kind and gentle,  _loving_.  An expression she had never seen on her face, not directed to her anyways.

It makes her angry again. Despite not wanting her to, she is also angry at her for not jumping. Because now that she is here and looking at her, all she does is to pity her.

And she is also angry at herself for letting her mother see her break down like this, for letting her pity get to her. 

“Why don’t you jump?!” She screams, trying to sound strong while she is crumbling. But her voice cracks, and so does her facade. “Even if you won’t, please just go away!” She starts sobbing again as she fixes her gaze on the tear stained ground. “Your pitiful expression is too much for me!”

She doesn’t look up, but sees her mother sitting down on the floor next to her. And suddenly, comforting arms are wrapped around her. She doesn’t remember the last time her mother hugged her.

She wants to fight her, push her away, hit her. But she is weak.

So she lets her hold her as she cry against her mother’s chest. And she hates herself for it.

As her cheek rubs against the soft material of the cardigan, she suddenly remembers. It was one of her mother’s favorite pieces of clothing, even though she had many lavish robes. Azula used to be fascinated by it as well, because it was so different than anything she had.

Her father didn’t seem to like it at all, though. So her mother would never wear it around him, keeping it in a drawer, like a secret, most of the time.

But one day, it was gone.

Her mother had cried, her parents had fought. More screams, and more sobs...

“I guess today is just not my day.” Her mother whispers, stroking her hair softly as Azula continues crying, she has never felt so warm. It’s as if an empty hole in her chest is filled.

But the cold and the void return as the arms that hold her disappear into thin air as if they were smoke.

Her mother is gone.

She has never been here, and Azula is crying on the cold floor, hugging her knees.

But maybe, today is not her day either.

...

It doesn’t take long until her fourth attempt.

She spends two days in her room, barely eating or sleeping. She thinks about her mother, thinks about the comforting arms wrapped around her that she can only have in her imagination. She thinks about the cardigan.

It hadn’t just disappeared, had it? Azula was the one who stole it and hid it, she remembers now. Her mother had never allowed her to wear it, so she had just taken it away one day.

With this newly remembered information, she jumps up the bed and starts to frantically rummage through her drawers and her closet.  _It has to be somewhere here._

She finally finds it after going through all the contents of her drawers, clothes spilled all over the floor of her bedroom. But she doesn’t care. She clutches the yellow fabric in victory.

She puts it on and immedietly feels warmer, though not as warm as she had felt two days ago on the rooftop.

Walking up to the mirror, she looks at her reflection and almost thinks she is hallucinating again. Because it is her mother that stares back. She looks like _her_.

She even has the pain and the scars to match.

She slowly lifts up her hand to touch the glass, just to make sure that she is, in fact, looking into the mirror. The cold and smooth surface proves her right.

Her hand glides down on the mirror and she sits on the ground, crossing her legs. After some minutes of emptily staring into the reflective glass, she starts to slowly braid her hair, just like her mother used to do when she was little.

Her hands are not practiced, her fingers don’t move with ease. She struggles to get it right, but in the end, she manages to come up with something that resembles a braid.

It isn’t perfect, but neither is she, as she is slowly coming to realize.

She doesn’t have a hair tie around, so she just leaves the end of the tail untied, as she shakily stands up from the ground.

She leaves the room, walking barefoot on the cold marble floor. She wraps the cardigan around herself as she shivers.

She looks like a mess, but  _does it matter?_

Now she is standing over the edge of the roof, as a cold wind picks up around her. She is finally alone.

There is no one here today, so it must be the time. Time to end it all.

_It’s just me, myself and I,_ she thinks bitterly. Hasn’t it been this way for all her life?

There is no one who can get in her way now. No one who can interfere.

She closes her eyes as she feels the fresh air on her face, she is gripping the railing, knuckles white.  _It’s gonna be over soon._

She takes off the yellow cardigan, feeling the cold more acutely now.  _I want you to watch, mother!_

She stands there as the wind undoes her already loose braids, feeling the cool air running through her hair like comforting fingers.

She is just a little girl, this petite girl short as can be...  _Did she really deserve any of this?_

 _Yes_ ,  whispers a poisonous voice in her ear. It is her own voice.

 _No_ ,  whispers softly another one. It is her mother’s.

_ Liar! _

_ I love you, Azula. I always have and always will... _

She can’t take it anymore. Why can’t they just shut up?!

They will. Soon. She will silence them.

Now, she is going to jump, and be free.

...

She lets go of the metal railing, expecting to feel the wind on her face before she hits the ground.

She doesn’t.

_ “Azula!” _

There is a strong grip on her wrist, and she feels panic rising in her throat as it feels momentarily like her father’s. But this hand is gentler. It is holding her like she is made of glass, like she can break at any moment, but firm enough to not let her fall at the same time.

As the hand pulls her over the railing back on to the roof, she doesn’t fight it. She doesn’t have the strenght to do it.

She looks up to her rescuer as she is pulled into a hard chest, in which a heart is beating faster than she thought was humanly possible.

The worry she sees on the face of the boy that she had thought had never even cared about her, shakes so much her to her core that she collapses. Strong arms holding her before her knees meet the ground.

_ Zuko. _

**Author's Note:**

> Oh wow, I didn’t intend this story to be this long, but here we are. I hope you enjoyed it! This was my first attempt to write a story based on a song. I don’t know if it is considered a songfic, that’s why I didn’t tag it as one. Also, it is hard to write Azula, so I really hope I managed to pull it off. 
> 
> This fic is a oneshot, but I might turn it into a series with each one being about Azula’s reconciliation with each member of her family and her friends. Though they won’t be necessary reads. This story is complete, anyone who wishes not to read whatever happens next, can just leave it at that. I will try to make each oneshot self contained, if I ever happen to write them. Otherwise, I would’ve made it a multi-chapter story, and I just like the idea of them being oneshots better.
> 
> PS: Whatever Ozai does to Azula, and Ursa for the matter, is left intentionally vague. There is definitely physical abuse, but whether there is anything more or not is left completely to your interpretation. I tried to write it in a way that you can see it in the story, only if you want to.


End file.
